Rodent Regatta

There is no conceivable way to mock up or make up a case study such as the one Hewlett Packard is putting me through. I’ve been in the computer business for in excess of twenty five years. The behavior of this company is more arrogant, disrespectful, unconcerned and ineffective than ANY I’ve ever witnessed.

Tonight I got my courage up and placed another call to HP. I wanted to find out how to handle the return of this defective laptop which they sent to me today unrepaired. The paperwork said they fixed the problem. The laptop required 11 cycles involving press the power button, wait for it to lock up, turn the power off, start again.

Here’s how HP handled tonight’s call. In a single call, I spoke to four people. First, Harry took the model number and the CSO number. He said he would transfer me to Pavilion laptop support. That was at 8:26 p.m. (CDT).

At 8:57 p.m. Richard answered the phone (F2/C25/P22). He indicated that he only worked on Pavilion desktops. He said he would transfer me to Pavilion laptop support.

At 9:02 p.m. Kim, an HP call director, answered the phone (F2/C25/P23). She was very rude. She asked how long I had owned the laptop. She asked the model number. She asked if I had ever called HP tech support before. When I gave her a very abbreviated version of my story, she transferred me to Pavilion laptop tech support.

At 9:05 p.m. David, an Indian fellow, picked up the phone and indicated that he didn’t speak English (F2/C25/P24). At least, I think that’s what he said. He put me on hold.

At 9:20 p.m. the call was cut off. Latest score: 2 faxes, 25 calls, 24 people.

HP is truly declining faster than any larger company in recent memory other than those guilty of fraud and accounting scandals. Please know that any ad you read, watch or hear from Hewlett Packard that says anything about customer focus, quality, excellence or any words remotely similar is a fraud in and of itself.

The August 11, 2003 issue of Forbes magazine featured Carly on the cover. Inside is an article about HP titled We Did It. The first page and two thirds of that article pictures four people under the caption ”Carly’s Angels.” It is so sad that companies of the stature that HP once was must resort to such puff pieces. Sadder still is Carly’s self-promotion. She’s on the cover, she’s in the photo with the other four and then she has another full page photo in the middle of the article.

She should have had the courage and self-respect to let them photograph some of her electronic plantations where underpaid, overworked and ill-informed people are attempting to respond to the numerous calls from customers with questions or with products that don’t work. A day of reckoning is coming for this company.

The four people are Ann Livermore, Shane Robison, Jeff Clarke and Peter Blackmore. The subtitle next to these people says, ”Carly Fiorina’s boast: HP pulled off a complex merger and saved $3.5 billion. Her sales pitch: We can work this magic on your company.”

I have but one thing to say to these five people, ”Keep away from my company. I don’t want to have a business that behaves in any way like the HP of August, 2003.” The writer of the story, one Quentin Hardy, should be ashamed for being a party to such a silly and superficial promotional piece.

I’ll sleep tonight. I’ll call HP’s headquarters tomorrow and seek relief from this nightmare I’m in.