Rodent Regatta

Arizona IQ Test
By Craig J. Cantoni
HAALT Press
May 22, 2005

Are you smart enough to live in Arizona? To find out, answer the following five questions:

1. Who is at fault if your kids fail the AIMS test, which is a statewide test in Arizona that public school students have to pass in order to graduate?

a) You and your kids.
b) The government.
c) Rich people.
d) Wal-Mart, McDonald’s, Enron and global warming.

2. What should be done about your kids failing?

a) You should make them study more.
b) They should get free tutors so that you can watch Oprah uninterrupted.
c) They should get free breakfast and lunch at school so that you don’t have to get up early and prepare their meals.
d) You should whine to local politicians and media until the state lowers the cutoff for a passing grade.

3. What should you do if your kids graduate from high school with poor reading and math skills?

a) You should accept responsibility for the problem.
b) You should demand that colleges lower their entrance requirements.
c) You should request that your kids get into college through affirmative action.
d) You should claim that the SAT is a biased test.

4. What will you do when your kids enter the work force and can’t find good-paying jobs?

a) Blame yourself.
b) Blame Wal-Mart, McDonald’s, Enron and global warming.
c) Blame rich people.
d) Blame China and India.

5. Why are you and your kids overweight?

a) Because you consume at one sitting a gallon of Pepsi, a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, a bag of Cheetos and a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
b) Because of Wal-Mart, McDonald’s, Enron and global warming.
c) Because of bad genes.
d) Because of suburban sprawl.

Congratulations! If you did not select answer “a” for each of the above questions, you are smart enough to live in Arizona. You will fit right in with the Arizona parents who got the state to lower the passing grade on the already dumbed-down AIMS test for reading and math to 59 percent and 60 percent, respectively.

Thanks to you, your kids will end up working at Wal-Mart and McDonald’s, and the nation will eventually lose its technological edge to China and India.

Gotta run now. Oprah is on and the Kentucky Fried Chicken is getting cold.

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Mr. Cantoni is an author, columnist and founder of Honest Americans Against Legal Theft (www.haalt.org). His new book, Breaking from the Herd: Political Essays for Independent Thinkers by a Maverick Columnist, can be purchased for $18.95 at retail or $10 from him. He can be reached at haalt1@aol.com