Rodent Regatta

Elmer Fudd and the G-word

By Craig J. Cantoni

(For Internet publication)

Ronald Reagan was wrong when he said that the government is the problem. The problem is the word ”government,” not the government. If we stopped using the word and used the words ”every American” or ”people” instead, we would have more liberty and less gov …. Whew, I almost used the word.

As an example, politicians who want nationalized health care say that the government should give every American free health care. But since the government consists of every American, that’s as senseless as saying that every American should give every American free health care. It’s similar to saying that every American should give every American free food, shelter and clothing.

Imagine Ted Kennedy giving a speech on health care without using the G-word:

”My fellow Americans: Since the holiday season is approaching, I propose a national Christmas, er, holiday, gift exchange program in which each American will give his neighbor a gift certificate for health insurance for a year. That way, health insurance will be free to all Americans and health care costs will stop rising.”

Sounds silly, doesn’t it? But that’s exactly what Ted Kennedy is saying when he says that the government should provide free health insurance to all Americans. Of course, what he really means is that some Americans should pay the health insurance bills of other Americans and that politicians like him should decide who pays and who doesn’t.

Presidential candidate Howard Dean also believes that some Americans should pay the health insurance bills of other Americans, although he doesn’t say it that way. Instead, he says that the government should pick up the tab. But if he were an honest man and didn’t use the G-word, he would give a speech as follows to his beloved southerners in the hollows of South Carolina:

”Mah feller South Car’linans: Ah propose thet we give some South Car’linans free health insurance by stickin’ other South Car’linans wif th’ bill, ah reckon.
Thet means thet eff’n y’all got a beat-up pickup truck wif a Confederate flag in th’ rear window an’ sillowets of naked ladies on th’ mud flaps, yo’ kin spend yer money on a nu crew-cab pickup an’ take it t’ NASCAR races wifout wo’ryin’ about how yo’ll pay yer medical bills. I’ll jest send th’ bill t’ yer neighbo’ who wawks hard an’ saves his money, the jackass.”

Or imagine Dick Gephardt giving a speech on the budget deficit:

”My fellow Democratic spendthrifts: When people spend more than they make, people end up in debt. Therefore, to get the people out of debt, I propose that the people spend more. That way, the economy will grow and we’ll have full employment.”

Or as Gephardt’s cousin Elmer Fudd would say: ”Since we are shooting too many silly wabbits, I pwopose that we shoot more silly wabbits.”

Which is why politicans won’t stop using the G-word. It keeps the public from seeing that they have the economic sense of Elmer Fudd.

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Mr. Cantoni is an author, columnist and founder of Honest Americans Against Legal Theft (HAALT). He can be reached at ccan2@aol.com.